Is this rollercoaster ride ever going to end?

So we were informed on Monday afternoon that Troy will be leaving for the deployment next monday. One weeks notice! We have scrambled to get all of his gear together and get everything on the packing list. To make matters worse I've had to work all week, so I have had very little time to spend with him in his last week at home. We will be leaving on Sunday morning to Bend to the unit that he is deploying with, and I will return on Monday after he leaves.

I promised myself that I wouldn't cry infront of him so that he knows that me and the girls will be okay, but I can't even begin to explain just how hard of a task that truly is. When I look into his eyes I just want to bawl! 18 months is such a long time! I can't imagine what it is going to be like having to sleep alone for that long. I treasure the fact that every night when we go to bed Troy cuddles up with me and holds me until I go to sleep. How will I sleep without him here? It is like I'm walking thru fog. I'm going thru the actions, but I'm not there. I feel like my heart is breaking just knowing that I am going to have to say goodbye in a couple of days. I knew he was going to go, but it was sureal. It wasn't reality until Monday night, and now it is a nightmare. I can't sleep because of the nightmares, and at work I'm so distracted. All I want to do is be at home with my family.

Please pray for my family! Right now I don't know how to be strong for Troy and the girls, when I feel like I'm dying inside. I know that we will get thru this, but I'm not sure how. All the training has gone out the window. It was so much easier when it wasn't my family. I know that this separation will bring us closer together. And the reality is that I will be a better FRG Coordinator because of the deployment. But right now, I'm wondering if it is really worth it. How do you say goodbye to someone who is part of you? How can I tuck my kids into bed each night and tell them that Daddy will come home soon, when I'm not so sure myself. How do I explain to them that this is Daddy's job, and he has to go and be a soldier and an American hero? How do I tell them that he is fighting for the freedom that the Government is trying to take away from us?

So many questions and no answers! Please just keep us in your thoughts and prayers because right now that is the only thing that will get us thru this! I know that God is in control and he has a plan, but right now I have no idea what that plan is, and I really don't like it!

Thank you for reading my rambings!

How time flies...

The deployment is fast approaching, with only one month of preparation left. There are so many things left to be done, and so little time to complete it in. It has been a challenge juggling my chaiotic work schedule, getting things in order before he leaves, and finding time to spend together as a family. I worry that the girls are suffering because there are only so many hours in the day, and so many of those hours are spent away from them at work. I wonder how they will adapt to the change of their dad's departure, and how I will react to being a single mom again for such a long period of time. It is a big change, and I will make the best of the situation, but what will I do on those lonely nights, and long days without him here? I know that I have a good support system in place, but I feel like this is something I have to do on my own. It is my responsibility to care for the girls, to pay the bills, to clean the house and to maintain some normalcy for the girls. That is a lot for one person to do all by themself. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as I know that we are truly going to need it.

Change is in the Air......

I spent this past weekend at a training conference in Silverton for the National Guard. I became a trained facilitator for Franklin Covey's 7 Habits for the Effective Military Family During a Deployment. It was an amazing weekend full of information and networking opportunities. I met so many great people that are involved with the National Guard.

One very special person I met was a Battalion FRG of the 41st Brigade. The signifigance is that the 41st Brigade is leaving for a 18 month Deployment to Iraq in April. Upon my return home from the conference, I learned that Troy is on the Deployment list to go with the 41st.
Although there is some anxiety about him going, I am confident that we can handle this. God has blessed us with an opportunity to hold onto our faith and let Him lead the way for us.

I know that Troy feels as though he hasn't fulfilled his responsibilities, and he won't until he has served his country. I am proud of him for standing up for what he believes in, and I am honored to call him my husband.

I appreciate everyone's love and support. And of course lots of prayers! This deployment will help our family to grow stronger, and teach us how to hold onto the little things and not take things for granted. Life is short, make the best of every moment.

A Soldiers Wife.......

Why is it so hard for everyone to understand why I stand beside him and support him unconditionally? Is there so little faith in humanity that people don't believe there is such a think as faithfulness and devotion? Is it so hard to believe that marriage truly can last till death do you part?

So many people ask my how I can be "so" supporting of my husband and his military career. People say I have had to give up so much because he re-enlisted. But the truth of the matter is the only thing I have had to sacrafice is time. Time spent with my husband because he is called away from us for duty. But I have gained a whole other dimension to my family because of it. The military is like a big family. You may think that as wives we have to endure a tour of duty, or a deployment alone, but in truth we are never alone. Our extended family is always there for us.

Troy is gone again on active duty. This time he will be gone for two months, possibly longer if they don't get the project finished. So it long days and lonely nights for me. I take it one day at a time and sometimes minute by minute. He didn't enlist because he doesn't love me, he loves me so much he wants to protect me. God never gives us more than we can handle and as long as I remember that, I can get through anything!

Yes, I may have to spend a stent of time being a single mom raising four kids on my own. But the biggest difference is that my husband isn't gone just to be gone, he's gone to serve his country. And that is very honorable. But when you live the life of a soldiers wife you are given an amazing amount of courage and strength. If you ever see a wife stand beside her soldier as he goes to fight for everyone elses freedom, watch her face. There may be some tears of sadness to see him go, but if you look deeper you will see the pride she feels to be married to someone so honorable.

The Military Spouse Coat of Arms best describes what we stand for and why we are willing to make those sacrafices. We believe in the mission!

I am so proud to be married to Troy, and to be able to show our kids what honor truly is. I feel blessed that God has given me the chance to stand next to my American Soldier. Trust, Hope, Love and Honor, that is what it takes to be a soldiers wife...Oh, and a little pride never hurts either!

MAY FREEDOM RING!!!

I love you and miss you baby!

I will keep the home fires burning!

Sorry for rambling on, it's late and hard to articulate my thoughts! Thanks for bearing with me! :0)

57 more days and counting!